You know what annoys me about men?
Don’t answer that, especially if you know me in real life. I’ll just go ahead and tell you.
Men have the ability (most of them) to grow any facial hair style they want. They have a constant accessory that regenerates itself on their own face. If I were a dude, I would be someone different with a mustache or beard every Halloween. No questions asked.
However, as a lady, I grow an annoying amount of peach fuzz which must be waxed off so that I can hopefully convince people to make out with me. Don’t get me wrong– I don’t actually wish I had a mustache. However, it leaves me with a Halloween conundrum. If I need a mustache for Halloween– like I do for my Freddy Mercury costume this year– I need to get one. And as you know, I’m adamantly against purchasing silly things like that from stores. For one thing, it creates unnecessary amounts of consumer waste, when there’s already too much.
Therefore, I created an easy DIY mustache that’s super customizable, quite durable, and ridiculously cheap! Enjoy!
Needed Supplies: Stuffed animal, scissors, eyelash glue.
Buy a stuffed animal from a thrift store. The bigger, the better– because you can make a shit load of mustaches from even a small guy. I chose this little teddy, and then disinfected him with gusto:
Tear him apart. Get some scissors, or better yet, a seam ripper, and carefully undo his seams. Start by removing the head.
Set the head aside and carefully undo all the body seams, pulling out the stuffing as soon as you can to make your work easier. When you’re finished, you’ll have this gruesome scene:
If you’re a dork like me, you might want to take this moment to trace all of his parts onto card stock so you’ll have a teddy bear pattern, if, you know, you ever just happen to need one.
Cut out a mustache from one of those pieces. You can either draw a pattern on the unfuzzy side first, or just freeball it, like I did. Once you get it trimmed into a shape like you want, take a lighter and singe the edged to keep it from unravelling. This is ultra important. Because these cheap stuffed animals are made from synthetic fibers, they’ll melt nicely together and you won’t be snorting polyester fuzz all night. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
Apply eyelash glue to the back of your mustache.
Just like with eyelash application, you want to let the glue dry for about 30-45 seconds until it starts to get tacky. While you’re waiting on that, smear some glue on your upper lip as well.
Once that sets for a few seconds as well, stick the mustache on and press until it stays.
So for about $1, maybe less, you can easily make a billion mustaches. You’re welcome!